The Art of the Hysterical Headline

It’s Monday and no one’s attacked Iran yet, so that means its time for hysterical headlines. Today’s comes courtesy of the Associated Press and the redoubtable George Jahn, who never met a non-story with the word Iran in it that he couldn’t turn into a countdown to Armageddon.

Think tank: path to Iran nuke warhead 2-4 months

What it sounds like: Iran, who we all know is already on the path to a nuclear warhead because George Jahn and everyone else has been telling us so for years, will have a nuclear warhead in 2-4 months (sometime between December and February).

How the story starts: “Iran could produce enough weapons-grade uranium to arm a nuclear bomb within two to four months but…”

What is actually happening: ISIS, the source of a lot of Iran’s “totally might” stories over the past several years, has estimated that if Iran actually tried to start making weapons-grade uranium (which they’ve never done before) and was successful, and rededicated their entire civilian uranium enrichment program to making weapons-grade uranium, could theoretically have enough for a single bomb in four months. Of course, the IAEA is monitoring those centrifuges and would know about such a change instantly.

So if Iran made that uranium, and if they ever figured out how to make a warhead for it (which ISIS concedes would take much, much longer) it might conceivably have a single nuclear weapon at some point in the far-flung future, suitable for doing very little because it wouldn’t have been tested yet, and if they did blow it up underground and test it, they wouldn’t have it anymore and would have to start enriching up another one.

19 thoughts on “The Art of the Hysterical Headline”

  1. Do the people peddling this garbage even consider themselves "journalists?" It's a very sad state affairs when this type of "reporting" is now pretty much the norm in the MSM.

    1. Maybe a better question would be, do the people READING AND BELIEVING this childish nonsense consider themselves to be sentient adults? We most certainly shouldn't consider them to be such.

  2. And in further histrionic "hysterial" magnanimity, CBSNews maintains that the ISIS is a "respected think tank" in Washington, D.C.. Whom it is that might "respect" ISIS is NOT reported. Probably CBSNews is alone in their ass kissing.
    I kind of like Jason's 'hysterial' useage. Flows like a poetic river.

  3. A Soviet fefector when aske sbout what he thouhht of US media outlets replied he liked the soviets better. And when adked why replied. In the sovietefia you knew every thing they ssaid and wrote was lies and yheteby you kmew the truth; nut in the Us they lied about 50% of the time and kepy you guessing so you never know what to believe.
    IMHO: Being ad that ex soviet wad yeats ago today we are. far beyond lies and into pure mental conditioning.
    An old middle eastern semitic saying is, “Within the best of lies there is just enough truth or plausable ability to be true but usually that truth foes not have a thing to do with the object of the. lie
    As I listen to “All the govern and pseudo governing personalities today
    tes you know they are lying but damn some of them even believe their own made up lies.

  4. Today’s comes courtesy of the Associated Press and the redoubtable George Jahn, who never met a non-story with the word Iran in it that he couldn’t turn into a countdown to Armageddon.

  5. I think it's about time to stop with the production of weapons of mass destruction and instead focus on other problems of our planet. In some countries, people are starving and malnourished – why not just spend those millions of dollars to feed them? I can't understand why money needs to spent on meaningless ways.

  6. If you're looking for a hysterical headline, just look at the headlines about NoKor making new threats of nuclear war against the United States. Now that is something that could make anyone feel hysterical. I hope they wipe out NoKor as soon as possible before they cause the world to end.

  7. It's bad enough that NoKor is pulling out all the stops in order to make bombs and test them on the US. They should be stopped as soon as possible as they could destroy the whole world. So many innocent lives will be lost because of their selfishness.

  8. DÜNYA DÜNYA There really needs to be a reliable, consistent counter-news source who has the confidence and trust of US victim nations to get the straight scoop from their point of view. YALAN DÜNYA

  9. Well how would you now write a hysterical headline when NoKor is going nuts trying to declare war? It's really puzzling how their new leader thinks, and it seems that they are putting their own country into more trouble. I hope things get more peaceful soon there.

  10. You should continue making hysterical headlines right now while North Korea is still not making a move with their nuclear weapons. Honestly, I just want their leader to step down and accept the fact that he does not have what it takes to lead his country. Why do they even follow that kind of person?

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