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July 10, 2000

An Internationalist Catechism

Under circumstances which I am unwilling to divulge I have received an explosive document. Supposedly memorised by the inducts of Chatham House and the New Republic, one reading of this document will convince you that the age of sovereign democracy is passed and we must prepare ourselves for the Brave New World of international bureaucratic governance. I was wrong, that's all I can say.

Top Secret –
The Internationalist Catechism

THE BASICS

Who made you?
NATO made me.
Why did We make you?
To love and serve You in this world, and bomb women and children into the next.
What is Peace?
War is Peace.
What is Strength?
Ignorance is Strength.
What is Freedom?
The Balkan Stability Pact is Freedom.

RIGHT AND WRONG

What is wrong?
Ethnic cleansing is wrong.
Is it wrong at all times?
It's wrong at all times when Serbs do it. When Serbs are cleansed it is a prerogative of national security.
Is Racism a sin?
It is a sin when practiced by Balkan unter-menschen.

THE NEW HITLER

What can be compared to the Holocaust?
All Serbian actions can be compared to the holocaust.
What can not be compared to the Holocaust?
Abortion, euthanasia, refusal to resuscitate the elderly in hospitals, the treatment of the American Indians, the clearances of the Australian Aborigines.
Who is the New Hitler?
It depends on the month and year.
Who defines the New Hitler?
The American President, as an extra-constitutional power, can define the New Hitler.
What are the attributes of the New Hitler?
The New Hitler is foreign, stubborn and resistant to Our beneficial designs.

WAR CRIMES

What is the highest war crime?
Resisting Our Will.
What are not war crimes?
It is not a war crime to bomb a passenger train, blow up a television station, starve half a million children, flatten an aspirin factory, aid and abet drug dealers, decimate refugee convoys, arm terrorist organisations and then lie about it all.
Why are they not war crimes?
Because we pay the cost of the tribunals.

THE EVILS OF ISOLATION

What are Isolationists?
Isolationists are vicious, backward looking and popular.
Don't you mean populist?
Oops
Why do Isolationists oppose war?
Isolationists oppose war, because they want war.
Why are Isolationists racists?
Isolationists are racist because they oppose killing foreigners.
Why do Isolationists hate their own country?
Because they do not want their own country in needless foreign wars.
Why are Isolationists like Hitler?
Hitler went on aggressively expansionist wars in the process bringing his country's moral standing and economy to unbelievable depths. So the isolationists must be for that.
Why are Isolationists evil?
Because We say they are.
Why can We say this?
Because We are in charge.

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