I was, minding my own business, taking a cigarette break –
can you imagine that you can’t smoke in the press room? –
when someone with a very thick German accent approached me,
smiling, and said: "I’d like you to meet the ‘Wild Man.’"
Okaaay, I said, well why not? I soon found out. A man stepped
forward who looked like he might be a citizen of Transylvania,
neighbor of Bela Lugosi’s. Being a friendly kind of guy,
I held out my hand and he took it. "Glad to meet you," I burbled,
and then turned over his name-tag to find out whom I was addressing
jumped back as if I had just shaken hands with a tarantula
– and indeed I had! For this was none other than Willis Carto,
the publisher of the Spotlight and the most notorious
anti-Semitic bigot in America . I jumped back – but not in
time to avoid the cameraman who had jumped out of nowhere
to snap my picture! Good Lord! A word-for-word transcription
of our subsequent conversation would be unprintable, but suffice
to say that my commentary on the moral hygiene of this little
ambushing party was pointed and colorfully expressed. "I’ll
send you a copy of the photo in the mail, Justin," said my
you can send it along with the blackmail note, you jerk!"
Carto, who looked a bit crestfallen at this reception, had
recovered sufficiently to note that "you’re a homosexual!"
Well, uh, yeah – but isn’t that just a little bit better than
being a Nazi?
if you see my photo in the Spotlight, shaking hands
with Mr.Carto, please be advised: I wasn’t asking him for
a date. This whole rather spooky incident raises a lot of
really unpleasant questions, most of which are too depressing
to contemplate before lunch. As I told Carto and company what
I thought of them, Carto wailed: "But Justin, you’re a public
figure now!" All I can say is: YUCK!
previous dispatches from the Reform Party convention:
Beach My Battleground
Buchanan in Long Beach: The Inside Story