I hate to tell you this, Micah, but the current right-wing schtick is becoming impossible to parody. It’s like Michael Bérubé wrote:
INSULT-UPON-INJURY, New York (AP)– Conservative commentators have induced a “satire crisis” for liberal and progressive bloggers in recent days, producing a stream of remarks so bizarre and unhinged that the blogosphere’s sharpest wits are at a loss to respond, according to a statement released today by the newly-formed Association of Flabbergasted Liberals.
“It started, as it always does, with Rush Limbaugh,” noted an AFL spokesman. “First he said that the torture and rape at Abu Ghraib was nothing more than you’d see at a Britney Spears or Madonna concert, or maybe Lincoln Center, and now he’s saying that it was just a bunch of people ‘having a good time.’ What can you do with that? Look at Ezra Klein over at Pandagon– all he can do is say he’s speechless at this stuff………
[…]
The strain has been felt most severely at Tom Burka’s site, “Opinions You Should Have,” as Burka works overtime to try to stay ahead of the massive right-wing mental collapse. “It’s like trying to outrun a tsunami,” Burka might have said if I had interviewed him.
Burka admits it. OK, look. You write:
Micah: Enemies of America, such as newspapers, have criticized Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, despite his many years of sterling service to America. Some even want Secretary Rumsfeld to resign.
And the next day, Barbara Amiel one ups you with this:
Barbara A: What a difference a year makes. In her fascinating 2003 biography Rumsfeld, Midge Decter gives a wry round-up of the “Rummy” love-ins that swept America when the defence secretary became a national celebrity in the wake of September 11. CNN called him a “virtual rock star”, Fox news “a babe magnet”.
People magazine named him one of the country’s “leading sex heroes”. Cut to last week’s blindingly thick Senate Armed Forces Committee Hearings, which resembled nothing so much as the preliminary inquiries of a war crimes trial. It was a couple of hours before one Democratic senator blew up like a puff adder to ask, portentously, the Killer Question: if it were in the national interest, would Mr Rumsfeld resign?
After a pause, the defence secretary, whose patriotism and press conference candour are no act, replied: “That’s possible.” The New York Times found this “stunning” in its “breathtaking simplicity”. I thought it a simple answer to a straw-man question.
How can that be parodied? There’s just no material to work with here – it’s already hilarious and over the top all on its own. Read the part where she compares handcuffing an old lady to the torture at Abu Ghraib. If that had been in your piece or on Burka’s site, people would have laughed and said you really nailed how ridiculous these people are. Check this out:
This is not to say we should withdraw from the Geneva Conventions in order to fight drug dealers and child molesters, but only to note that in some circumstances, our police may use such tactics. In Iraq, we are fighting men and women who routinely blow up civilians in a guerrilla war of the most merciless kind. If a 97-year-old woman is handcuffed for a traffic offence, what is the appropriate procedure for murderous guerrillas?
This is her actual argument!
At the rate the right is cribbing ideas from satirists, we should watch for this to be in an upcoming Presidential speech.
While diplomatic experts had questioned what exactly the sovereignty handed over to Iraq on June 30 would consist of, the president made it clear that it would consist solely of blame for the prison abuse scandal.
“As of June 30, we fully expect to put an Iraqi face on this fiasco,” Mr. Bush said.
At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that he was “delighted” by news of the decision to blame the prison scandal on the new Iraqi government.
“This is a solution that should satisfy even our toughest critics, because now those critics will be transferred to the new Iraqi government,” Mr. Rumsfeld said.
Prior to the president’s announcement, Mr. Rumsfeld had been bracing himself for the release of the Abu Ghraib Golden Edition DVD, including never-before-seen footage and special tormenters’ narration.
“This DVD is full of extremely radioactive stuff,” Mr. Rumsfeld. “Come June 30, the new government of Iraq will have a lot to answer for.”
Oh, and it’s Nikolai’s fault that I even read the dreadful Amiel piece in the first place.