Officials: Someone From Pakistani Taliban Probably in US

No Info About Who or Where, or What He’s Doing

Adding to the rapidly growing list of official “warnings” that bear all the trappings of wild guesses, senior US officials informed Fox News that there are indications that a member of the Pakistani Taliban is inside the United States.

Somewhere in the nearly 4 million square miles of the territorial United States, one of the 300+ million people in the nation is affiliated with the Tehreek-e Taliban Pakistan (TTP). “We know the guy’s here, but don’t know anything about him,” one official noted.

And when they say “don’t know anything about him,” they mean it. Officials say they have absolutely no idea who this person is, where he is, or what sort of plot he might be involved in. Officials added that it did not appear to be an “imminent” threat, though it seems difficult they could know that for sure, given the paucity of information.

Faisal Shahzad, who failed in an attempt to bomb Times Square, was link to the TTP. The group has vowed to launch attacks against US soil in retaliation for years of US drone strikes against their territory.

11 thoughts on “Officials: Someone From Pakistani Taliban Probably in US”

  1. WARNING! Scary brown people may be in this country, vaguely threatening Mom, apple pie, and the Baby Jesus. Citizens are advised to give up all personal freedoms immediately.

  2. I got a hot tip that sometime this year we're going to have a winter season- my informant couldn't tell me exactly when it's going to happen, or how cold it will get, or how long it will last, but he is positive it will happen before the end of this year.

    Oh, and this just in: watch for falling pieces of sky.

  3. Unless this supposed "Taliban" is really Superman, what is the big problem? Of course this is likely just another government disinformation tidbit.
    But why should the richest most militarized nation on earth worry about one person from some backward tribal area? Unless he has a NBC (nuclear, biological or chemical) stuffed up his ass how much damage could he do? We already have plenty of local psychopaths and criminals living here. One more won't bring down the nation. Unless you are a Fox News commentator with air time to fill.

  4. Uh ….some of you oughta read Al Queda's new rag " Inspire " . Then throw the dice . Oh …and since when do they have to be "brown " ?

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