Now this is one way to stop terrorism, particularly the funding of ISIS. Did the United States clamp down on Saudi Arabia funneling millions to ISIS and other Sunni terror groups? Use American military power to stop the illegal weapons trade to ISIS? Bomb the hell out of the oil wells and transit systems ISIS uses to raise hard currency?
Hell no. The government of the United States used its full resources to steal $42 from some drunk dude who wrote “ISIS Beer Funds!!!” in the memo field on Venmo when he tried to pay back his buddy for a night out.
Hipster dude Ben told Ars Technica his story:
Telling a friend you’re paying him back for “ISIS beer funds!!!” is not a particularly good joke. I knew this as I was typing it at 2am on a Sunday, but what I did not know is that it’s an even worse joke on Venmo because the federal government will detain your $42.
Almost immediately after I hit send, Venmo – you know, the app that allows people to send money to each other via their phones – blasted an e-mail into my inbox. The company wanted to “better understand a recent payment,” specifically:
On 02/21/16, you sent a payment for the amount of $42.00 for, “ISIS beer funds!!!” We’re trying to understand your reference to “ISIS,” the purpose of this payment, including a detailed explanation of what you intended to pay for and the establishment/location, if applicable.
Dude Ben, perhaps floating on $42 worth of brewskis, doubled down for the fun, replying:
“ISIS beer funds!!!” when more accurately it could be described as “it is beer funds!!!” The $42 was payment to a dear friend for two pitchers of Samuel Adams Boston Lager, minus his serving plus tip to the waitress, at the Slaughtered Lamb Pub (a much friendlier establishment than the name would suggest!) in a somewhat “hip” part of New York City’s West Village. Thank you for your query, and if you have any further questions, it is possible to reach me at this e-mail address.
Venmo didn’t buy it. “Unfortunately,” wrote someone who signed the e-mail as Heather, “due to OFAC regulations, we are not allowed to give the funds back to you or issue a refund.”
OFAC is the U.S. Treasury Department’s Office of Foreign Assets Control, the part of the Federal government that is supposed to stop billions in drug and terror money from being transhipped through a false account in Panama to an Internet cafe in Damascus. You would certainly think they would have other things to worry about than $42 in a bar in New York, but you would be wrong.
Our Ben is presently filling out forms for OFAC trying to get his $42 back. One hopes he has learned his lesson – never fund terrorism while drunk.
BONUS: Here’s a guy whose check to his dog walker was stopped because he wrote the dog’s name, Dash, in the memo field, which the Fed thugs read as Daesh, one Arabic term for ISIS.
Peter Van Buren blew the whistle on State Department waste and mismanagement during Iraqi reconstruction in his first book, We Meant Well: How I Helped Lose the Battle for the Hearts and Minds of the Iraqi People. His latest book is Ghosts of Tom Joad: A Story of the #99 Percent. Reprinted from the his blog with permission.