Foraging Killbots Will Be Strictly Vegetarian, Company Assures

Following a flurry of reports that a Pentagon contractor’s foraging robotic platform would be feasting on the corpses of slain soldiers, the company in question Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. has issued a press release hoping to clear up the matter.

“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population,” Cyclone’s CEO said in what must be the most bizarre comment in a press release ever, assuring that the platform was an attempt to “create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter.” The killer robots will, according to the press release, be strict vegetarians.

It does not appear clear from the company’s previous documents regarding to product why the killbots should be unable to consume flesh, let alone human flesh, and indeed the limitation may be purely for the sake of public relations. It has a legal aspect too, as the Geneva Conventions ban the desecration of the dead during time of war. Presumably consumption by a kill-mad battle droid would count as “desecration.”

Given that recent US wars have been fought in barren deserts and urban cityspaces, it seems difficult to imagine that the robots will find plentiful plant matter to consume.

16 thoughts on “Foraging Killbots Will Be Strictly Vegetarian, Company Assures”

  1. Of course, and given the penchant for massacres in war situations, everyone has guessed at the possible utility of the Pentagon's gruesome 'foraging' machine. If it can be used to hide war crimes, it will be used that way.

  2. I couldn't help noticing the other day that R.T.I.'s web portal for the E.A.T.R. project had removed all references to the platform's ability to consume human corpses.

  3. Wind up bugsies make nice spare parts for my primitive chalet. Brains before brawn and biceps beat batteries anyway. The only strong ones will need fuel sources or quickly-drained batteries. They'll be like the ancient samurai – sure, they're tough. Everyone's very scared. Care to buy some armour? I've a few sets out in the barn. Oh, just found them around, you know….

    I'm actually writing a novel on this very topic, amongst others. Find the first 20,000 words or so at the link on this message (if the little link form here works aright).

    Ta, folks. Don't get eaten by a droid on the way to your grandmother's house.

  4. P.S. And by fuel sources I mean REAL fuel, such as kerosene or wood-alcohol. Eating the dead will make you no stronger than said dead, and that means the living will still be able to give the damn things a run for their money. Faraday nets and grounded spears, folks.

    Dammit, read my book before it becomes obsolete! I thought it was set in the medium-range future, but it looks like the opening scenes may be next weekish now.


  5. Maybe they'll eat farts, or run off CO2, then they can be vegetarian envirobots, the ultimate humanitarian do-gooder. They'll lead by example and cut their own genital circuits while teaching the enemy to use condoms.

    1. I say send them all to DC. If they can be made to eat BS like the rest of us they'd be powered from here to eternity. Send them now… Dammit.

  6. So when does Cyclone Power technology change their name to Cyberdyne Industries?

    Azimov is rolling in his grave!

  7. Is this real? This old, fat, stupid, militaristic country is now going to unleash "killbots" onto the world? Do we have no shame? Maybe we need to be nuked and get it over with.

  8. Great news..I hope, Killbots Will Be Strictly Vegetarian, Company Assures that things, it's about him.Please let me know, is it true or not.

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