John Wayne and Jane Addams

That’s the yin-yang of U.S. imperialism David Brooks celebrates in this asinine op-ed. Tell us more of this schizophrenic hermaphrodite and what it’s doing in Iraq, oh Oracle of Official Conservatism:

[Capt. John Prior] was inside a gas station when a commotion erupted outside. A mob of people was furiously accusing a man of butting in line and stealing gasoline. Prior established that the man was merely a government inspector checking the quality of the fuel. Frazzled and exhausted, Prior took the chance to teach the mob a broader lesson: “The problem is that you people accuse each other without proof! That’s the problem!”

Another soldier, who keeps a Weblog, collects toys and passes them out to Iraqi children. He brought a pile of toys to an orphanage, but the paid staff at the place rushed the pile to grab the toys for themselves — “like sharks in a feeding frenzy,” he writes. He has learned that if he stations himself with an M-16 over the toys, things go smoothly.

We’re the U.S.A., and we’re here to make sure no one cuts in line! And you had better start sharing!

Oh, dear.