Worst Wife in the World?

Normally I’m not a reader of those advice columns in newspapers, but this one caught my eye on the basis of the title alone.

Hello Ms. Vicki,

My husband is refusing to re-enlist in the Army in March. I think he has lost his mind. He claims that he is tired of all the deployments.

I’m not buying it. I told him he should man up and stop acting like a scared little boy.

Incredibly, it goes on like that for quite awhile, including suggesting that they could “maybe even take a vacation” with the re-enlistment bonus. Perhaps the real kicker was this:

I’ve learned to cope with deployments, and he has, too. There’s nothing to it.

The “advice” for what has to be one of the worst requests for advice ever is priceless too… she recommends that the wife join up and let the husband be the military spouse for awhile.

26 thoughts on “Worst Wife in the World?”

  1. She's probably one of those Army wives who loses the wedding ring as soon as he's on deployment. Starts with a 'w', rhymes with 'more'.

  2. Jason fell for it — one of the first premises of propaganda is to rearrange the realities of war. Of course this letter is a plant by the columnist in order to start an uproar in readership and responses. People will be expected to discuss whose duty it is to "deploy" — not to discuss the political reasons and reavages of war.

  3. Those who claim that the column cited is "propaganda" might very well be correct. While many wives (and quite possibly husbands) of career military members refuse to even consider the possibility of their spouses separating service before the 20 year mark (steady paychecks and the possibility of a lifetime pension trumping all other risks and hardships in these small and selfish minds), I never once in my military past heard –and have yet to EVER hear anything remotely resembling– the statement "I’ve learned to cope with deployments, and he has, too. There’s nothing to it." That, dear readers, is, I can tell you from personal experience, pure 100 percent BS. Nothing remotely like that will EVER come out of the mouth of a spouse whose husband/wife has experienced back-to-back deployments of half a year or more. While many military wives want the "security" represented by the pay and benefits of their spouses' military careers, NONE "cope" with their spouses' deployments by treating them with the cavalier attitude one expresses toward a weekend retreat or overnight business trip.

    Nice try, but no cigar.

  4. If the woman is so pro war, let her join up, put on a uniform, grab up a weapon, and ship out just like a lot of other women have done by demonstration and prove they not just talk the talk like this my husband needs to man up female souse, but walk the personal I'm more than a mouthy chickenhawk neocon walk.

  5. As someone who has made a point of researching the authoritarian personality that allows political leaders to perpetrate frauds on their followers …. to get caught at it…. repeatedly! – yet have their "patriotic" followers actually make up for them – then believe! – the most lame excuses for doing what they did….. I can say without hesitation that such people, be they wives or husbands, regrettably do exist.

    Another example of an RWA was seen by myself at an airport. A customer was quite grudgingly hesitating about allowing a woman security guard to – once again – go through her stuff. The exchange escalated to the point that a couple more security hussled the woman away to another location, leaving the first, also female guard to continue doing her job. She turned around facing us, shaking with anger and fear, and with wild eyes exclaimed to no-one in particular, "Don't they know WE'RE AT WAR???!!"
    Apparently this person puts on a uniform and completely transforms into an "American Warrior!", completely losing her identity as a whole person, and becoming what anthropologists fittingly refer to as a "half-person" — someone whose entire persona has become, or is perceived as, the job they are engaged in performing. It's a rather curious phenomenon; a persona that erupts only in the more recent cultures where the labor is divided and specialized.

    Now this other woman – the wife, apparently also believes that she herself is quite literally at war, and as such, takes the TV commercials about being "all you can be" and other war propaganda literally and very seriously. In another time and place she would have been a loyal Nazi, probably right to the bitter end.

    So oh yes! They *do* exist. And unfortunately they are the very bread & butter which histories charismatic psychopaths depend on for their influence and power. Without them, the villains of WW2 (for instance) would have died merely crazy old men, not the architects of histories Holocausts and Gulag Archipelogos (for instance).

  6. lol look at how ms vicks falls over her self

    "However, my husband and many others volunteer to serve their country and are prepared for the ultimate sacrifice. You say we want something given to us? I totally disagree. I think a whole lot more should be given to our service members and their families. They shouldn't have to ask for it; we should give it freely"
    you see i dont want special treatment i just want you to freely give us special treatment

    1. LOL. Yes, I saw that too. Btw, it's the highly compartmentalized thought processing of authoritarian types like her that allows them to be so outrageously hypocritical without ever realizing how or why it should be so. Or, as Dr. Bob Altemeyer, probably the worlds leading"authority (yes, ironic… but true nonetheless <g>) on the RWA-SDO behavioral phenomenon said, "Yes, studies show that [they have] more than its fair share of hypocrites, from top to bottom; but why are they so two-faced, and how come one face never notices the other?"

      Also great reading btw. And for those who find the reports written by research scientists to be challenging and/or dull, here's his "The Authoritarians", a summary of his decades of research into the authoritarian conservative (think "loyal Nazi"- type <g>) personality. It's written in "user-friendly" language — and free! Why? Because he himself has become alarmed — not so much about the increasingly high RWA-SDO presence among the power elite — but because of the growing acceptance of them by the general population. As such, he wants us all to become familiar with who they are and what signs to watch out for. IMO Altemeyer's work sits alongside Milgram's obedience studies in terms of significance for how civilization is to proceed in future. http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/

  7. In his autobiography Lord Alexander of Tunis relates that he was wounded in WWI. He was let out of hospital and went home to complete his recovery. This allowed him to spend the Christmas season there. His mother was having none of it and accused him of malingering. He couldn’t convince her that he was under doctor’s orders [which he was]. He was Scots-Irish with a long tradition of military service. They’re born of bitches and they marry them.

  8. The situation is unclear. If the guy is finishing his first enlistment, that is one thing. If he is one re-up away from securing a pension with a widow’s benefit, that is another. Most women can look forward to a decade widowhood. It is not unreasonable to seek security for one’s old age. Additionally she may have plans for the substantial re-up bonus. There is more to marriage than affection. It is an economic contract too.

  9. I lived in a military town and my wife had many friends who were military wifes. This is the reality – not the FOX version with the Marine Corps Hymn playing in the background —
    What is the death benefit to the survivors of US military killed on duty – I believe it is $500,000? Plus I should believe it to be tax free. And if, while home, if the sob drinks too much, is lazy and cheap, a whole lot of military wives are glad to get the bozo out of their hair for awhile so they can get their kids and house straightened out. And if he meets some glorious end, well there is always the honor of being the sainted widow, the kids get to go to good schools and there are many marriage prospects for a young, rich widow.

  10. Richard vajs–It's $400,000, increased from $200,000. One catch,insurance policy states–Must have been killed on combat operations :^/

    1. Hehe… Yeah, that last proviso has no doubt saved the life of many a disaffected spouse…ending their disastrous marriages with a divorce decree instead of a guilty verdict (as it were). LOL!

  11. Ms Vicki's advice to that loon was the best advice I've ever read from one of these agony aunties. Let her put her ass on the line, be seperated from family and friends and have to put up with the chickenshit that military men and women have to endure while deployed.

  12. Yes. Don't get me wrong about the possibility that the letter could be one of their own however. I went back and read the rest of "Ms Vicki's" letter/responses and I agree that there's a "flavor" to them that certainly could be better explained as their having been composed by a RW propagandist rather than what they are supposed to represent on the surface. Given their appearance in that particular rag as well and I'll grant that things do start to add up towards the stated eventuality. Good eye IOW.

  13. Oh, and another things that may be happening with the wife of that GI who doesn’t want to re-enlist and deploy and making her bitch … maybe the guy has loaded them down with payments on a bass boat and a 4 wheeler that are now cluttering up the garage instead of the furniture she wanted. And if he gets out, he wants her to work another shift at the 7-11 until “he decompresses”. Patriotic jingoism is in my opinion mostly horsehockey.

  14. Ms. Vicki's response shows why she is the advice columnist. It was succinct and impossible to argue against lest the wife expose herself as a scared little girl.

  15. I tend to agree with juneconsley that it was a plant. It may be real, but I don't discount this idea.
    I spent 40 years in a newspaper composing room. One day, the editor wandered by and I gave him a humorous blast about his editorial to run in that day's paper because it was contrary to the way I know he thinks. He said "Yeah, but I'm out of letters to the editor." He came back in a couple of days with an inch of letters, waved them in my face "See, see, see!"
    I know a very nice gentleman. I occasionally see him and his lovely wife at social functions. He's devoutly Christian and is against everything, evolution, gays, and so on. I ran into them just before Christmas in a grocery story and in talking with him, I congratulated him on his letters to the editor because "You are saying the things I haven't the guts to write and sign my name to." He was thrilled. Only a few days later he was writing about "putting Christ back in Christmas." This was a win-win for me. I made him feel good and gave the editor at least one more letter to fill some space with at no cost.

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