Osama Bin Falconing?

Interspersed between the US claims that they are virtually certain al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden is living in Pakistan is the occasional wild theory about where the reclusive terrorist mastermind actually is.

Today’s theory comes by way of a documentary filmmaker who has just released a new film about falconry. Unsurprisingly, his Osama theory involves falcons.

According to the filmmaker, one of his employees saved the life of a weapons smuggler from Northern Iran, and being so grateful that smuggler let him in on the world’s most sought after secret. Apparently Osama bin Laden has been hanging out in Northern Iran, and practicing falconry.

Now wait a minute, you may be saying. Osama is the leader of the Sunni al-Qaeda, and has been an arch-enemy of Iran for decades. Why would he be there, of all places?

Well never mind that, it gets better. The filmmaker claims to be in possession of Osama’s falcons’ telemetry information, and has offered to give it to the US government so they can pinpoint his whereabouts. The US government, apparently not quite this desperate for leads, never called him back.

One thought on “Osama Bin Falconing?”

  1. About forty years ago, I saw a picture on the front cover of a tabloid of Hitler with the storyline “Hitler hiding out in the Antarctic with 20,000 Nazi troops”. The similiarity with this Osama story is that both are ridiculous – at the time Hitler was long dead, as is Osama today. The difference is that no-one believed the Hitler story, sane people just chuckled at the audacity of the tabloid to run such stuff. Today, in a much loonier country, tales of Osama’s travels are treated seriously. I have no doubt, this “intelligence” will find its way into some action by our Congress

  2. Did you hear the one about Bejamin Netanyahu and his passenger pigeons?

  3. No no no, Usama bin Ladin is living in the south of France. Wait, maybe that should be Monaco. Wait, he's living in a basement apartment at Harrods. The bin Ladin is dead? Falcon telemetry? The CIA hadn't thought about "falcon telemetry?" Dang, this stuff just gets better and better…

  4. As we all know that IRAN is next on the list of countries that America wants to invade so they are using the Osama "Bin Boogyman" Laden excuse for the 4th time to invade yet another
    foreign country. First they told us that Osama was based out of Afghanistan so
    America invaded and destroyed that country and is still there to this day. Then
    we where told Osama had ties with Saddam Hussien so IRAQ was invaded and is
    still being occupied to this day. Then Osama was alleged to have slipped across
    the border from Afghanisan to Pakistan, so Pakistan is being bombed to destroy
    militant camps to this day. Now a Falconeer of all people tells us that he is conveniently
    located in IRAN, which also just happens to be next on the list of countries to
    America wants to invade. How convenient is that. I am curious to see if the
    American public will be that stupid the fourth time around. Most probably they
    will be going on their current track record. So let us all hope that Bin Laden
    is not seen playing with kookaburras anywhere in Australia otherwise we are all
    in trouble over here in the land of down under.

  5. At first I thought this documentary's story was for the birds, but then I thought: maybe bin Laden is just hawking his wares there in Iran.

  6. "One can remark that interpretations of the mysteries of terrorism appear to have introduced a symmetry between contradictory views, as if there were two schools of philosophy professing absolutely incompatible metaphysical systems. Some would see terrorism as only several blatant manipulations by the secret services; others, on the contrary, estimate that it is only necessary to reproach the terrorists for their total lack of historical understanding. The use of a little historical logic permits us to quite quickly conclude that there is nothing contradictory in recognizing that people who lack all historical sense can easily be manipulated; even more easily than others. It is much easier to lead someone to 'repent' when it can be shown that everything he thought he did freely was actually known in advance. It is an inevitable effect of clandestine forms of organization of the military type that it suffices to infiltrate a few people at certain points of the network to make many march and fall. …We should expect, as a logical possibility, that the State's security services intend to use all the advantages they find on the terrain of the spectacle, which has exactly been organized with that in mind for some time: on the contrary, it is the difficulty of glimpsing this which is astonishing, and does not ring true."

    Guy Debord

  7. No no no, Usama bin Ladin is living in the south of France. Wait, maybe that should be Monaco. Wait, he's living in a basement apartment at Harrods. The bin Ladin is dead? Falcon telemetry? The CIA hadn't thought about "falcon telemetry?" Dang, this stuff just gets better and better…

  8. The US does not care one whit about the location of their justification for war-in-chief Osama bin Laden. First of all, there is mounting evidence that he died sometime in late December 2001. Were the US serious about apprehending OBL, they have squandered numerous opportunities to do just that. An American journalist provided the government with the precise location of OBL redoubt in 1997, The Taliban made numerous overtures to the US to dispose of whom they referred as "the guest who was burning down the guest house." With a annual budget of 60 billion, the US intelligence collusus has no excuse for not capturing OBL, unless of course, they had no intention of eliminating their justification for making war in Afghanistan.

    1. I agree, Bruce. Had Bush-Cheney caught bin Laden then there would have been no justification for attacking Iraq as well as bloating the defense budget. I am sure they were that calculating.

  9. This seems to be a sound intelligence… we all take risks,life itself is a risk so why not let the boys from the home of the braves roll over those mountains and see what they come up with. Iran wont object as this is troubling to them as it is to us. Freedom will defeat terror

  10. Remeber those unmanned ( card board )Iraqi planes that were to attack the US. You should be on look out for suspicious acting falcons and hawks.

    1. The Italians were producing some spiffy full-size plastic replicas too, complete with infrared signature courtesy of your neighborhood chafing dish technology.

      $1,000,000 in missiles and bombs for $5000 plastic tank–not a bad trade-off economically.

  11. Today’s colonial philosophy is globalization through which United States is redrawing the world economic map. United States will gain two advantages by one move. The weaker will submit without question and nations who will resist will be dealt with its military might. This is new world order. This reality is something that the Western audience is not aware of.
    There is no doubt in my mind that the United States wants its permanent presence in the cluster of Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran and Middle East as it derives, multi facets, many tangible and intangible advantages. I also think that at this vantage point, it can oversee Central Asian Republics (CAR) and their oil flow and gives check to Russia, China and Iran – all three are the potential rivals in the way of United States economic expansion. It further controls the oil, confronts terrorism, and keeps a Muslim nuclear state Pakistan at bay and provides security to its ally Israel. Iran poses a hindrance, which is not acceptable to the United States. All of these strategic goals are accomplished under the umbrella of “terrorism”. Here is my question, do you think US wanted to capture Osama?


  12. Osama was a creation of the US and continues to of a great asset to its strategetic goals.Remember it was the US the current mess in Afghnistan by tricking the Soviet Unions to invade Afghnistan,like what it did with Iraq in regards to the war with Iran, and Kuwait.It will always creat a pretext.

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