Say
you're Tony Blair. You've just deposed the Hitler of the year,
spared the world certain annihilation, and hit those stuffy
Muslims with a dose of Cool
Britannia. This is your moment. You should be living
it up (in a well-regulated,
inoffensive, New Labour sort of way). Yet, instead of any
gratitude from your subjects, all you get are impudent questions
about "forged"
this, "dodgy"
that, and "sexed-up"
the other. Your old socialist buddies on the Continent don't
send you cards on May Day anymore and that hurts, but not as
much as being a hometown pariah. Of course, you're a one-worlder
who despises localism, national sovereignty, and similar superstitions,
but until the U.N. names you secretary-general, you're stuck
with an electorate that doesn't appreciate your courage and
vision. What's a transnational
progressive to do?
Well,
there's always emigration. If Mr. Blair moves, he ought to copy
Hillary and shop around for his ideal constituency –
panderers,
seducers, flatterers, hypocrites, deceivers, sowers of discord,
and falsifiers. In other words, some lucky Virgil might
soon be guiding the Blairs through metro D.C. real estate.
As
British
opinions on the late war turn frosty, warmer environs must
seem appealing to the prime minister. Leaking his resignation
to the tabloids at midnight, shafting
the BBC, firing a terse last shot from Downing St. ("You
won't have Tony Blair to kick around anymore"), and departing
Heathrow for Dulles – who can blame him for dreaming? He's obviously
wasting his talents in a geopolitical backwater. The Once-Great
Britain hasn't been big enough to hold Tony's ambitions since
1914.
Behind the awkward chumminess he affects for Dubya on stage,
one senses a flicker of resentment, the old switched-at-birth
fantasy. Bush couldn't hack two minutes of Prime
Minister's Questions, but Blair would find the White House
a breeze: tight scripts, photo-ops, a complacent press, and
an endless
supply of scapegoats when something goes wrong.
America's
living room hawks appear to be thinking the same thing. Last
week while cruising National Review online (which I do,
dear reader, so that you don't have to), the ad at the top caught
my eye. "Click to
thank Tony." Upon doing so, one is transferred to a
site supposedly
run by an American civilian. After boning up on the short
happy life of Anthony Blair, visitors can urge
the prez to give his soulmate the Medal of Freedom. They
can also send
love letters to No. 10, as several thousand have done so
far. Powerful stuff:
Should
the Brits fail to recognize the treasure they have in you, please
give them the single finger salute and bring your family to
Virginia. As I understand it, the Governor's place in Williamsburg
has recently been remodeled in anticipation. – Virginia
It
seems the Brits are failing
to recognize said treasure. And you don't put treasures
in the governor's mansion.
You
were an inspiration to all of us for standing up for what's
right in the face of withering criticism. No one in my adult
lifetime has done so with such strength, dignity, and especially,
resolve. I wouldn't mind making an exception to allow you to
run for President in '08.
My
wife and I have the highest respect for you, Mr. Blair, but
we still have to ask, what were you drinking that caused you
to consult with Bill
Clinton? – Arizona
I
think the verb you're looking for, Arizona, is "consort,"
what johns do with hookers. Also, I believe the cliché
is "what were you smoking?" Anyway, Tony has been
nothing but consistent in his attitude towards U.S. intervention:
more, more, everywhere, and at all times. Let
him run in '04.
Thank
you for your support. Not just in the war in Iraq, but all that
you do to help democracy. – Nebraska
Like
letting
British citizens vote on the European Union constitution?
Tony says, "The only reason people are campaigning for
a referendum is so they can go out and say 'no' - effectively
paralysing the EU!" Simon
Hoggart of the Guardian pegs this as "the exact
equivalent of saying 'the only reason people want a general
election is so they can go out and vote for the Tories –
effectively paralysing the government!'" Ah, democracy.
I
wish you good luck with that rowdy Parliament of yours.
– Washington
You
mean the
Tories who couldn't extract the thumbs from their, uh, mouths
if their lives depended on it? Or the Labour majority that
also voted for war?
I
offer my sincerest thanks, and most profound apology. When you
rose to office, I held you in low regard due to your apparent
friendship with the previous occupant of the Oval Office.
In
the years since, I have come to realize that your friendship
was with the U.S., and would not be dissipated by a temporary
lapse in our voters' judgment. As such, I must now proclaim
that, contrary to my previously held views, you are at least
half the man that Maggie Thatcher was! – Florida
Or
twice the gorgon. How many civilians
did Maggie bag in the Falklands?
My
wife has shifted her home decorating tastes from French Country
to English Country in the aftermath of the war. – California
Fascinating.
Whether
to seize and destroy the WMD, or whatever reason, I am glad
that freedom's forces have put an end to mass graves and terror
in Iraq. – Arizona
Whether
to seize and destroy the WMD, or whatever reason, I am glad
that freedom's forces have put an end to mass graves and terror
in the Ukraine.
Or whatever.
God
bless you Tony Blair! Thank you for standing with America in
the battle against terrorism. You are such a breath of fresh
air – a man standing for what is right, moral and just,
regardless of the threat to one's own career.
The
world needs more men like you to fight for what is right, and
a lot less of the politicians who would sell their own mother
for re-election. – South Carolina
Don't
you just hate those guys, the kind who use
friends up and throw them away? If the president keeps distancing
himself from the prime minister, it won't be long before Bush
country resumes its
reflexive hatred of Blair. Where will Tony find refuge then?
I
hear Australia's
nice.
